This post is part of an ongoing blog hop hosted by Weekend Writing Warriors. Every Sunday, participating authors post eight sentences from their current work in progress. Then we hop to our fellow warriors’ blogs and check out all the fabulous fiction that’s happening! I heartily invite you to participate as a reader, writer, or both. Click the link above or copy & paste this address: www.wewriwa.com
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Curse of Salar
When Mira and Alandra were young they’d both harbored dreams of reclaiming the throne. She still held that against him. The Grand Premier had convinced her it was more profitable to concede defeat and cooperate with her own exile from power. Mira had been stupid enough to resist. Now he would never be trusted.
Hushed footsteps approached from behind him and a figure swept aside the silk drapes, allowing a beam of lantern light to cut across the marbled balcony. Mira glanced over his shoulder and was surprised to see Timon standing there. Timon was the latest in a string of attractive attendants the premier had sent to seduce and spy on Mira.
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Curse of Salar is an erotic fantasy novella, third in a series set in the world of Salar. Prince Mira, along with his sister, is the last in the royal line of Jahar, a ruling family of powerful magicians. Mira and Alandra are held as virtual captives in their family’s own palace, kept alive to placate the masses of peasants who are traditional royalists and still believe in the fabled powers of the Jahar. Mira chafes under confinement and dreams of escaping. Rayn Matisse is a soldier in the rebel army. He has no interest whatsoever in seeing the royals reinstated until he meets Mira and begins to fall under the prince’s magical sway. Rayn’s people were cursed by the Jahar centuries ago, and though long thought to be a myth, the curse begins to assert its powers once again. As assassination and rebellion upset the false calm of the kingdom, Rayn finds himself torn between love and fear of the young man who possesses an uncanny ability to control him.
Alexis Duran 
I find the first paragraph a bit confusing, maybe because I don’t know enough about the story or maybe because of the change in POV.
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Thanks for your comments. I believe it’s a case of jumping midstream into Mira’s thoughts, but I’ll take a closer look.
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It took me some time to sort out the pronouns in the first paragraph as well. If this is from Mira’s POV, maybe you could describe how he knows that Alandra still holds their dreams against him, rather than just stating it.
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Food for thought. Thanks for stopping by.
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I reread the paragraph and realized that if you don’t know Mira is male and Alandara is female, it would be confusing. Something to keep in mind.
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Hmm, why is he surprised to see Timon if he’s the latest in a string of folks sent to spy on him?
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To be answered in the next 8.
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I like the intrigue in the second paragraph. Could you show Mira’s surprise somehow? A widening of the eyes, a raise of the eyebrows?
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Love the pace and detail. When I read “3rd in series”, I went looking for the first book. Bummed it’s not out, but looking forward to reading more.
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Thank you, Eleri. I’m working on getting the series published. Just got a request for a full with glowing praise of the first three chapters, so keeping my fingers crossed.
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This is wonderful, descriptive writing, Alexis : “Hushed footsteps approached from behind him and a figure swept aside the silk drapes, allowing a beam of lantern light to cut across the marbled balcony.” Nicely done. 🙂
I read the other comments and have to say that it is one of the things I love about #8sunday. All those sets of eyes on the work of others, all the willing advice and suggestions. A good group of writers generously helping others. 🙂
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I agree. Getting fresh eyes on the work is always a good thing.
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You write lovely description. I was a little confused at first, but the others have pointed that out. Good luck with selling your series!
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A difficult world to live it yet the person we’re watching seems to be on top of all the machinations. Intriguing snippet!
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I really like it. You can really put together some good imagery. I wish I could do that. It’s always been something I struggled with it.
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I like the premise very much!
I read that before I read your eight, and had no trouble following the pronouns. The touchof political manchinations and Mira’s acknowledgement that his resistance made things worse makes him sympathetic.Very nice!
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Thanks for stopping by!
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What a group! Constructive critique to add to an already excellent descriptive eight. You’re a peach to work with, Alexis. Best wishes.
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Thanks, Charmaine. I’m having a lot of fun with this group of writers.
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Nice to meet you, Alexis. Took me a second to realize Mira was a male, but, I should have read the synopsis first. Interesting story!
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I can identify with him. I’d be too stubborn to take the gilded cage with treats for good behavior trade off, at least for a good long time. It’s so much better to have at least some kind of freedom.
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Wow, one should fear being pulled under by such a strong undertow of suspicion and animosity – intriguing snippet
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Wonderful detail and world building.
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